16 Christmas cracker jokes that are actually funny... honest

15 December 2017, 10:46

Christmas cracker

Ah, the good old Christmas cracker joke. Despite being rubbish for decades, Christmas just wouldn't be the same without them.

How many times have you groaned at a downright dreadful joke inside a cracker over the years?

Yes, most of them are pretty dire, but we've collected a handful of ones that actually made us giggle. OK, they're still as cheesy as Wallace and Gromit's pantry, but we just can't help but giggle at them:

1. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?


2. I can't get to the chocolates in my advent calendar.

Foiled again.

3. Why is Bob Dylan's sleigh so quiet?

Because it has Nobel. 

4. Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can 'ho ho ho'!

5. Knock, knock

Who's there?


Arthur who?

Arthur any mince pies left?

6.  How did Scrooge win the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed. 

7. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even. 

8. What's the most popular Christmas wine?

'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

9. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer...

10. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

Because they were two deer!

11. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger!

12. What goes "Oh, Oh, Oh"?

Santa walking backwards 

13. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas Eve.

14. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?


15. What’s round and bad tempered?

A vicious circle.

16. On which side do chickens have the most feathers?

The outside.